Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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