I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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