are you still at the devil's house?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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