she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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