i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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