Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize