why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize