This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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