Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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