Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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