he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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