Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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