Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
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I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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