im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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