Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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