i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize