You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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