I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize