I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize