Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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