My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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