Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize