Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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