I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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