You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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