My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize