and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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