do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize