Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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