Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize