You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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