Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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