Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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