If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize