well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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