in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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