I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Rumble strips road head = magical
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize