Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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