I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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