literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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