you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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