Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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