Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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