i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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