You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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