he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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