i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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