So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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