So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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