Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just crazy horny about you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize